Not long ago, an online comic "The test results determine the posture of going home and knocking on the door" became hot, and many people couldn't help but said: It's too vivid!
In retrospect, almost all of us had had a bitter experience of being "dominated by grades" when we were young: we had a good test for our family, and they were delicious and entertaining. We were panicked after the test.
When the child fails the test, the parent's attitude and response profoundly affect the child's self-evaluation, learning cognition, and his future thinking and behavioral performance.
When the child says that he failed to do well, how can parents respond to help the child the most?
Encouragement is more powerful than criticism
Many parents do n’t allow their children to take exams, may feel shameless, or be too anxious, and seeing the child ’s future with a single grade, so it ’s easy to get out of control and vent their anger at the child.
After reading a news, Luoyang, Henan, a 12-year-old boy did not achieve the expected 95 points in a subject, only 81 points, was thrown at the highway by his mother.
The boy was sobbing in the police car, saying that he didn't do well in the exam, he was ashamed, and he didn't give his mother a fight.
It's very unwise to criticize and criticize, crack down on ridicule, and even take back the love of the child and abandon the child like this mother.
First of all, if the child fails the exam, he will feel disappointed, frustrated, and guilty. Criticism and accusation will offset the guilt of the child to some extent.
The child thought, "I didn't do well in the exam, but I also endured these criticisms. What else?" He didn't pay much attention to this matter.
Secondly, if this matter is not done well, it will damage the child ’s self-confidence. Then, together with the parents ’criticisms, the child will be more inferior and have negative self-suggestions. "It's easy to give up and get tired of learning.
In addition, parents' negative emotions and crackdowns can damage parent-child relationships. The parent-child relationship is more important than education. Only if the parent-child relationship is good, the words of the parent will have an influence on the child, and the child will respect and trust the parent and be willing to listen to the parents' suggestions.
No matter how bad the child's test is, parents should first settle their anxious heart, do a good job of emotional management, stand gently and firmly on the side of the child, become a child's teammate, and defeat the problem with the child.
Encouraging children more and teaching them to learn to deal with setbacks and failures and learn to deal with the emotions of disappointment, depression, self-blame, etc., are of great significance to their lives.
Seeing the child's efforts or better performance in some aspects, give him positive psychological hints, such as:
"Mom sees that your recent writing has improved over the past, and the roll score must have improved."
Children feel affirmation and warmth from their parents, and they will have more confidence and courage to develop in a good direction.
This is the magical power of encouragement.
Don't compare children to others
A survey of junior high school students' studies showed that 62.71% of students said that in learning, "the last thing I want my parents to do is compare me to others."
The first thing parents need to know is that the motivation for children's learning should come from their own desire to become better, not to outperform others and win in the competition.
Comparing children with others will seriously undermine children's sense of self-worth, and will also pass on stress and anxiety to children.
No matter what the child does, parents should focus on the child's own growth and progress, discover the child's changes and progress, give affirmation, this is the source of the child's self-confidence.
Then guide the child to learn to reflect, to continuously improve and perfect themselves, so that the child can focus on themselves, learn for themselves, and take responsibility for their growth.
What is behind the grade is more important than the grade itself
Remember to watch such a video before:
At the table, my brother proudly reported to his parents his outstanding academic performance: "90 points in mathematics, 85 points in English ..."
After listening, Mom said lightly, "You should take learning more seriously."
The younger brother was holding the next 60-point paper under the table, nervous and silent.
Until the mother saw her brother's grades and was ready to get angry, she suddenly thought that one night she bumped into her brother doing exercises in the room seriously, rubbing her tired eyes with her little hands, forcing herself to sleep and trying to stay awake.
Thinking of this, my mother was relieved. She put food in her brother's bowl and her brother, and praised her and her brother for doing a great job.
This mother is wise, she will not judge the child just because of a single achievement, know how to see what is behind the child ’s achievement and the effort put in the process.
In fact, each test is a test, it does not determine or represent what, but only reflects the learning effect of a period of time.
For elementary school, performance is not so important, study habits and behavior habits are the most important.
亦或是生活或人际交往上的因素影响了学习，这些都需要家长与孩子平等耐心地沟通。 We should even see what the child ’s performance reflects, and help the child analyze whether it is carelessness, insufficient practice, learning attitude problems, or learning ability, method problems; or factors in life or interpersonal relationships that affect learning, these All parents need to communicate with their children equally and patiently.
Parents also need to reflect on their own education methods, whether they have arranged too much for their children in their studies and controlled too much, or they are too negligent to guide because of their busy schedules, which leads to their children developing bad learning habits, and so on.
When necessary, you can also talk to your teacher to get a more comprehensive understanding of your child's learning.
Children's learning is not afraid of problems, the most fear is that the problems are covered up.
After discovering the problem, it is necessary to take practical actions in a targeted manner, formulate a plan, discuss the solution with the child, and truly solve the problem through appropriate supervision and guidance.
How to educate children when they have failed the test? In fact, there is no unified standard answer. Guided by the above three general directions, parents also need to adjust specific methods according to the characteristics and personality of their children.
Do not hold high scores, do not scold low scores, and guide with mild and rational emotions, sincere encouragement, and practical improvement measures. I believe that children's performance will become more and more outstanding.
Author | Qian Zhiliang, famous teacher of Beijing Normal University. Graduated at 86 and stayed in school. He returned to China in 1994 with a PhD degree. His research interests include counselling on child development issues and education for children with special needs. Personal public number: Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlgzs)
Editor-in-Chief | Du Runnan Back to Sohu, see more