Why do parents have to coax and cheat to raise their children?

Original title: Why do parents have to coax to cheat their children?

Let parents lie to their children, will the parents' first feeling be: This is not good! Parents are role models for children, how can they lie? Besides, that is very immoral!

But what if such a lie helps the child's physical and mental development? Are parents willing to try?

There are malicious lies in the world, and there are also lies in good faith.

lie). White lies are not immoral, but rather a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.

Tell you a secret: almost all children who are physically and mentally healthy have actually grown up from their parents' lies. Will it surprise you? Has it subverted your existing parenting views?

As a parent, if you do n’t know how to lie in front of your child and lie about some good-faith lies, I bet your parent-child relationship will not be particularly wonderful. Good-faith lies will not only undermine our parenting events, but also act as lubricants, catalysts, inflammatory agents or stimulants, making our parenting more energetic and positive.

If from beginning to end, you never lie to your child and say everything outspoken, at this moment, you can stop first and reflect on it carefully. Is the previous practice good? Every time you force your child to face “the bleak life and the cruel reality”, is your parenting scientific and effective? Did the child inspire as expected?

Compared with the painful reality, children prefer beautiful fantasy; compared with the persuasive suggestions, children prefer intimate ridicules; compared with the humiliating humiliation, children prefer to have good encouragement. This is the law of parenting. Have you got it?

Raising children often requires "lie". But some parents don't tell good faith lies, just as they just can't humor and act. Therefore, many times children do not feel their affection and tolerance, but just receive nakedness and harshness.

Before talking about children, think back to your childhood. Moderate backtracking is very inspirational for us to raise the next generation. Have your parents lied to you? Especially those kind of lies that I think of now? If so, do you remember those lies?

Seriously, my parents told me a lot of lies. Amazingly, I think it is these lies that are the artifact of my inner optimism and confidence. The moments when my parents lied to me, they were always proudly settled in my childhood memories, giving me safety and making me happy! Let me know how much my parents have always loved me. (It's really hard for a parent who severely criticizes the child for humiliation and wants to make the child feel his true love.)

I remember my parents telling me from childhood that when I ’m a Chinese New Year, I can grow taller by pulling and pulling, but my parents seem to only care about the New Year, so I did n’t grow taller, but I was not bothered; my beloved dog It ’s dead. It ’s the only dog I ’ve ever raised. There is a black circle on the white meat ball. I gave it all my snacks. Unfortunately, he died unexpectedly when he was three months old. , I cried beside the bed. It was a dark and cold night at more than ten o'clock, and the room was hung with a yellow light bulb, and I could n’t eat until I heard my parents said they would give me another identical dog, I instantly felt I'm not so sad, I have been looking forward to another identical dog since my heart. After more than 30 years, I have not seen the same eyes and pink nose again, but it has become an important role in my child's bedtime story. Later I asked my parents, do they really plan to raise me another one? They said, 'Actually not, you're so sad, and if you raise yourself again, how can we coax you? 'I know, that's another lie my parents told me.

Although many children have lived in China since they were young, they also grew up and lived through Christmas. As for Santa Claus, I think it is a lie that many children are most willing to believe.

But sometimes, parents also tell lies of another nature. For example, sometimes in order to control some children's behavior, they will "lie", "If you do this again, the police will come to arrest you! The bad guys will take you away and we will throw you here. 'This kind of lie is really not what I want to recommend today. Those lie that make children fear for a lifetime, don't really tell it.

Parents lie to coax and deceive their children to feel good and kind, not by any means fear or cower.

So what should parents use for lies? Or what is the positive meaning and value?

Stimulate children's initiative and help them build confidence

There are people outside, and there are days outside. Many times, it is difficult for our children to stand out from their peers, but each child will be more proactive and confident only when he feels that he is particularly recognized. When a child cannot be satisfied in a realistic environment, parents need to use lies to "deceive" the child and satisfy the child's positive feelings.

My five-year-old daughter has studied English for more than a year, and finally has a further acceptance of English emotionally. At first she cried, mostly because she didn't like learning, but later she was upset occasionally, mostly because of frustration and confusion. She thought that she had chosen the right answer, but why was the answer wrong? In fact, because there are many similar options, she doesn't know all of them. For example, what is the profession of investigating teachers? Item A is for teaching students in school; item B is for patient care in the hospital; and C is for driving in the school. Based on the difference, she will quickly rule out B. Perhaps because of the proximate effect, she chose C. At this time, she needs to discuss with her parents to choose the correct answer, and understand the reason to listen carefully to each option. In view of this, we will lie a little when renewing the registration at each stage. At the beginning, we will say that the registration teacher will have a New Year gift, and the registration will participate in a fun game. When the answer is wrong and she is troubled, and when she grows up and is no longer interested in the previous temptation, our lies will also change. So in order to stimulate her initiative, we tried to ask her for advice: Should you sign up? She (5 years and 2 months at the time) thought about it and said that although she was not that annoying, she did not want to report. So I made up a little lie again, 'Are you sure not to report? The teacher said in the group this time, only the children who have learnt well will be given the opportunity to register, and the children who have not learned well will not be allowed to register. Are you sure you want to give up this opportunity? 'You know, children are always greedy and want to have a lot, even if they do n’t like it so much, they will have a hard time giving up. It is even more difficult for children to give up a "reward" or "privileged".

Fortunately, I succeeded again this time. She made her own choice and took the initiative to sign up. It was not that we were forced to sign up. Fortunately, in the future, I glimpsed more or less her rare and valuable sense of competence! A problem that a little liar can solve, why is it necessary for children to feel forced, suppressed, and humiliated? If you tell your children that you are not good enough, you have to learn! Do you need to learn it later in the exam? Is this really useful? More importantly, how utilitarian and boring life should be.

Maybe this is not a good example. Learning English is really not necessary. In view of the different educational goals and concepts of each family, everyone should choose what they insist on and give up according to their own needs. In my childhood, I used interest to make up for shortcomings. In what I think is very important, I think language learning can be done earlier.

Reassure children when they lose something

In life, there will always be some losses, and some losses are necessary and valuable, and more importantly, some losses are really unavoidable, and they can suddenly occur unexpectedly. Just like the cute dog I once lost.

But the troubles in life are always beyond your imagination. One summer vacation, I was doing laundry in the bathroom. Suddenly the two children came to me with tears, crying, and said that they suddenly thought of a terrible problem. ? 'When they think of this, they will be very sad. They don't want this. Let me promise them that I won't grow old and don't die. Stuck in that time and space, my mind couldn't help moving fast: if I just told a lie, just gave them the expected answer, and promised them that I would never die and that it might not improve their mood. Because they are not stupid, they will soon expose my lies. So, while repeating their demands, I was thinking of more reliable lies: Every mother has magic. When a child is born, the mother puts a part of herself in the child's body and in her heart. Whenever you think about mom, mom will come to your mind and talk to you. Mom will never leave you, because mom has an oversized house in your heart, and mom will live there forever. Stay with you. And when you grow up, your mother will tell you a special password, and you can retrieve your password to keep your mother.

Fortunately, the two children accepted the answer and went to play with satisfaction, at least they were not so sad and worried.

I've used the password many times, and it's really trial and error. During the period when the two children broke away from the pacifier, I said that the pacifier was stored in the lock box in the bank. When you reach 18 years old, you can take your own ID to pick it up. And you, you will never lose your pacifier, it just went to the safe temporarily.

When children are lost in reality, they may lose their heart, to alert them

There are two children in the family, and they often quarrel. It seems that this is their bounden duty and they must perform the same. On that day, the boss was picked up by my father in advance. I still passed my school with my sister. The second child saw that I did not park and no sister got in the car. I was very confused. "What about the sister?" It ’s messing things up. I wo n’t pick her up later. I ’ll let her stay at school! ”“ Ah? Then I ca n’t see my sister every day? ” It ’s always noisy! I ’m always upset! ”“ Mom, it ’s really bad! Although we are noisy, but we are noisy, when we are noisy, we will use our hands to compare our hearts! ”“ That Is n’t it nice for me and my dad to be with you alone every night? Do n’t you like that we are only with you? ”“ Okay! But when my sister loves me too, she treats me well! I will Miss her! Anyway, it's a bad thing for you to do this and not take her home! "" Well, do you still love your sister right? You quarrel, you are so fierce, and you still love? " "Hmm! I don't want her to live at school!" To be true to her, I should admit it again.

"Sorry, I lied to you! My sister won't live at school, your father picked her up first!" "You! My mother lied! But I forgive you, because my sister doesn't live at school, this result is always good! "After coming home, they hugged together for the first time. After listening to my narrative, my sister left tears of excitement and happiness.

But the good times didn't last long, and less than an hour later, they started clamoring again. Crying is also true, and noisy is also true. The family is unreasonable. Presumably, the children grew up in noisy and noisy life. When life encounters some sadness and difficulties, maybe the parents ’kind lies are needed to help us through that difficult time . Although experiencing the same pain, it is not timid or confused.

I remember seeing a piece of text. A little boy was kidnapped. The police finally killed the kidnapper by sniping. When he saw the blood of the gangster, the child was very scared. At this time, the police picked up the child and told him that "the blood was fake. We're playing games! He's pretending to die! Let's go! "It wasn't until the little boy grew up that he really realized that it was a lie the police uncle told him. Even more shocking than this lie, I am afraid that it was the dad ’s great game lie in the movie "Beautiful Life", which saved the child ’s life, took care of the child ’s young mind, and turned the cruel real life into an exciting game .

Skin trauma on the body is always easy to see, but children's internal injuries are often hidden from view. When parents see the hearts of their children, they can understand how to take care of them. They can use lie and coax to deceive their children. No matter how old the children are, they need to be coaxed by their parents to give them courage.

But not all parents will lie, but this is a compulsory course in parenting. Parents should not miss classes.

Articles, videos and other content are original from "Dr. Zhao's Parenting Consultation Room", please indicate the source when reprinting Back to Sohu, see more


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